I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
