Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
