No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
