I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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