One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
