Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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