Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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