but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
