On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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