Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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