I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
