how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
