I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
