I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
