I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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