I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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