Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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