She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
