and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
