Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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