I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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