gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
