apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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