So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
