This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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