the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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