Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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