I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
