Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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