I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
