oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's paint friendship bongs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
