Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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