How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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