guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize