And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
