Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm really into asian looking animals
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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