hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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