What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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