i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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