The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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