ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
