and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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