My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
