I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
