somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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