i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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