i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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