Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
