ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
