Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
