Do you still have your period?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
