I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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