Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
