he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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