The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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