I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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