Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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