That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize