I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
