you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
