he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
