apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
