We're facebook friends in real life
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
