Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
