Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
